Best of spam for November 2006

"Sometimes Spam is artistic." At least that's what Adam Oconnell told me in a spam titled "regards strenuously".

A light month for good subjects but to make up for it some very odd sender "names". Meds are now "ed-s".

Earthlink is very good about filtering out the, um, male en,hance.ment spam before it gets to me, but a bunch slipped through this month. There was an interesting collection of euphemisms used to get past the filters: super size, big lift, super duper, improve your package, pencil dickitis, bendy boner blues, mammoth proportions (Yowch!!!), shortdick syndrome, large and in charge, thicker, fuller and longer (works for shampoo ads), "Gain the length and width you've always wished you had". Though a spam with the subject "Hang fat" was blunt enough that filters should have thrown red flags all over the place. Do keep in mind as you're browsing your own "How is your johnson" spam: "When choosing a peniz en1argement method, there are many MANY options these days. But very few are worth the money. In fact, most are full blown scams!"

Names

• Willis Gay
  
• Micah Fish
  
• Francisco Chan
  
• Rose Reyna (though Reyna Rose has a nicer ring to it.)
  
• Dick Nixon (dead presidents become spammers)
  
• Shukla Rishi

Odd senders

• Major Pain
  
• Cyber Molly
  
• Roxanne Turnaboutz
  
• Celina Slept
  
• Hurtle Genaro
  
• Dalton Liquidity
  
• Archaism Carlton
  
• Beelzibus
  
• What Says
  
• Handsome Ballet
  
• Fatten Howard (which could be suggestive but the spam was for watches)
  
• Dejesus Alphabetical
  
• Simultaneously Animals
  
• Susceptible Volstead
  
• November Winnie
  
• Poison Revelry

Sounds like names

• outhouse cahill
  
• merlin dwarf carl
  
• carl bloodhound

All in the same spam, selling ... watches. They must be some very special watches.

• Flagging Morero
  
• Interrupt Katy
  
• Daley Bliss

Subjects all next to each other sending some kind of meta-message

• We can help every man
  
• when Morphophonemic Bestow
  
• or asheville Gena
  
• time to check it

Subjects

• retailer secret agent
  
• electroencephalogram Dog sports
  
• Scorpio curler
  
• regards strenuously
  
• oclock emerald
  
• Or in revertive
  
• whipped lockup
  
• answer a hi
  
• It determining well off
  
• About on your letter
  
• Put croud slipped
  
• ink sentences paragraphs

At least they're honest award

• "In an unnecessary delivery, even here is" which, less interestingly, might just mean "To unsubscribe" since it came with a little picture of a stop sign. Also included was a tiny picture of Japanese money.

Phrases

• porridge happened
  
• volcanic slanderous solitude
  
• huckleberry above my persimmon
  
• litmus kitten

Poetical nonsense

• may ponies huntley
  may frankel united


• what efforts bloodvessel and amuse lonely
  what trust regarded it tenure lobster
  it's morning undergrowth in encountered bauhaus


• that wicked bluebell
  may acquaint valuable
  the ovate honour
  or toyota pressed


• some flatus fibers
  it's opened traditions
  as invasive entry
  it playing fictional
  as decorative tamale
  a unfortunate toroid
  as rider insects
  it's considerable seesaw
  may laos bloodbath


• the saucer flesh it demands declarative not joined judges
  
• but excited christs when undervalued sunken some extensor survival
  
• in undersigned polaron a obituary declared when excitement lively
  
• but goodnight warned that liking alabama was formal affects the action noted
  
• it's beings preclude it's angle pin or medieval rd in oldest darkness
  
• what tales reform that swallow grounds

Sentences

• To the beloved Use password 02700 to open archive.
  
• If I am asked to link to a Kangaroo farm in Canberra, New South Wales, Australia, I sure will do it.
  
• Across the shoulders came the featherd wound.
  
• Cattle is all I know.

Almost makes sense

• The bagel then descended into the canoe.
  
• Robots of new Best Friend Page.
  
• Hearts involved Splat.
  
• Not mention excellent fish chips glorious sunshine in filmed opening.
  
• Managers supporters out or not mention excellent fish chips glorious.
  
• It's a albrecht sparkle minaret.
  
• Probably maybe Yesit!
  
• Urie come up air often.
  
• Guys had soul become some of kind weird iconic symbol.
  
• He shakes the pointed spear and longs to try poultice paperweight soft.

Real but funny nonetheless

• Instead of smelling like dirty socks, try smelling good and attracting women at the same time

Headlines

• Starbucks Loses Laptops
  
• Harvey is Badly Drawn
  
• national needs may meow depletion
  
• Exciting Ashes newsalex!

Spam wisdom

• You can't get there from here.
  
• Alternative: Who guards the guardians?
  
• A creaking door hangs longest. and A creaking gate hangs long

Words

• Tourwomens
  
• neosoul
  
• marquess
  
• chuff
  
• muezzin
  
• peacock
  
• braggart
  
• shitepoke - From shite + poke, with reference to the birds' habit of defecating when disturbed.
  
• chamomile
  
• bedazzle
  
• rollick